Secret Santa
OK so here's the scenario. Imagine the person you love and respect the most in the whole wide world. The person who you try to be most like.
This person has a friend whom they hold in the highest regard. You've never met them but you know they must be a pretty big deal if they hold so much sway in your person's life. In fact you alter your behaviour completely to fit in with this mystery person's very exacting standards. They're like a constant third presence in your relationship with you and your person and if at any time you are disappointing or letting them down your person reminds you of their mysterious friend and the expectations this friend has of you. The pressure to perform for someone you have absolutely no relationship with is immense.
And then you discover that this person doesn't even exist. Never did. Just a figment of the imagination. They were a lie. And you are left betrayed and confused.
It's a weird scenario.
No weirder than what we do to our children towards the end of every year, if not throughout the year.
Now don't get me wrong - as a fierce defender of imagination, creativity and magic Father Christmas or Santa or whatever you call him is awesome. I do, however, have a problem when parents use his presence and the threat of not getting presents as a means to discipline their children. It is literally the most hypocritical behaviour. 'If you don't behave/be kind/ do the dishes/walk the dog/tell the truth then the man who I'm lying to you about will not give you the material objects that you have asked for in a letter of demand.'
Surely our children need to be answerable first and foremost to us? And good behaviour must be a given and not something to be rewarded with presents? As a Christian I would like to take it a step further and say that my children are ultimately answerable to God and it is His grace that they should be seeking in their lives and not a stocking filled with rubbish.
I'm not even going to get started on letter writing to Father Christmas and the heartbreaking consequences this whole charade has on parents who cannot afford a Christmas meal, let alone a Playstation. And what about children without or with very little parental input who are led to believe that good behaviour is enough to earn them a visit from the man in red. What happens to their letters?
If you are going to spoil your children spoil them because of their relationship with you. Let the big, life changing presents come from their biggest life changers - you. Fill their stockings with simple, necessary things that a benign uncle (who you only see once a year) might give them because ultimately that is the only role Father Christmas should be playing in your child's life.
I think that at this time of year our children should only be expected to be answerable to us and not some fabrication and if they are badly behaved and spoilt then that is due to lack of good parenting, leave the bearded man out of it.
This person has a friend whom they hold in the highest regard. You've never met them but you know they must be a pretty big deal if they hold so much sway in your person's life. In fact you alter your behaviour completely to fit in with this mystery person's very exacting standards. They're like a constant third presence in your relationship with you and your person and if at any time you are disappointing or letting them down your person reminds you of their mysterious friend and the expectations this friend has of you. The pressure to perform for someone you have absolutely no relationship with is immense.
And then you discover that this person doesn't even exist. Never did. Just a figment of the imagination. They were a lie. And you are left betrayed and confused.
It's a weird scenario.
No weirder than what we do to our children towards the end of every year, if not throughout the year.
Now don't get me wrong - as a fierce defender of imagination, creativity and magic Father Christmas or Santa or whatever you call him is awesome. I do, however, have a problem when parents use his presence and the threat of not getting presents as a means to discipline their children. It is literally the most hypocritical behaviour. 'If you don't behave/be kind/ do the dishes/walk the dog/tell the truth then the man who I'm lying to you about will not give you the material objects that you have asked for in a letter of demand.'
Surely our children need to be answerable first and foremost to us? And good behaviour must be a given and not something to be rewarded with presents? As a Christian I would like to take it a step further and say that my children are ultimately answerable to God and it is His grace that they should be seeking in their lives and not a stocking filled with rubbish.
I have heard the most unbelievable ways in which parents convince their children that Father Christmas is watching them and to be honest Christmas sounds more like 1984 Part 2 than a delightful nativity celebration.
I'm not even going to get started on letter writing to Father Christmas and the heartbreaking consequences this whole charade has on parents who cannot afford a Christmas meal, let alone a Playstation. And what about children without or with very little parental input who are led to believe that good behaviour is enough to earn them a visit from the man in red. What happens to their letters?
If you are going to spoil your children spoil them because of their relationship with you. Let the big, life changing presents come from their biggest life changers - you. Fill their stockings with simple, necessary things that a benign uncle (who you only see once a year) might give them because ultimately that is the only role Father Christmas should be playing in your child's life.
I think that at this time of year our children should only be expected to be answerable to us and not some fabrication and if they are badly behaved and spoilt then that is due to lack of good parenting, leave the bearded man out of it.
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