A Man of Magnitude

A Man of Magnitude

One of the plays I study with my Grade 10 Drama boys is 'Master Harold'...and the boys. There is a scene in the play where Hally, a young school boy, has a debate with his middle aged servant, Sam, about who they would consider a 'man of magnitude' to be. Various suggestions are made by both characters - Socrates, Karl Marx, Freud, Abraham Lincoln, Sir Alexander Flemming - and studying this particular scene in the play makes for both an interesting history lesson and a philosophical one too.

Last night, out of the blue, I was reminded of this scene while I was praying as I considered who I would award a man of magnitude prize to. I would first need to design a profile of the qualities I think are most important in a man (and I will be the first to admit that they are different to the ones I would have for a woman). For me a man of magnitude is first and foremost a family man. A man who is devoted to his wife and children. Too much tragedy stems from a world where fathers have been absent or harmful. A family without a dad in it is missing the final lock that ensures protection and safety for both a mother and her children. I suppose part of being a good family man would then mean that you also are able to provide for your family - a man of magnitude must be one prepared to sacrifice and work hard for the ones he loves. Speaking of sacrifice, it is a quality that would also come high up in my list. A true man of magnitude is one who will forego his own desires and plans in order to contribute to the greater whole. He puts others first and is considerate. A man of magnitude would put the lives of others before his own. 

This internal debate has not come out of nowhere, however, these ideas have been swirling in my head with the news that my uncle-in-law, Ken, who has motor neuron disease, has been told to get his affairs in order. The family have been told that he may not be with us at Christmas. 

And we face losing a man of magnitude.

I will not go into everything I know about Ken because it is shamefully little. He lives in New Zealand and I feel it would be out of place to wax lyrical about an in-law who I have spent such little time with. But this I do know about Ken...

Ken loves children. He gets a special glimmer in his eyes when he tells them stories and age appropriate jokes. Children find him approachable because he is gentle and kind. There's nothing better than overhearing a chat between Ken and a child.

Ken loves his own children. I have never had the opportunity to spend time with the entire family at one time but you can learn a lot about a man through the way he talks about his children. And it is very clear that Ken's children literally mean the world to him.

Ken values his family above all else. He was prepared to leave his precious South Coast shores and head to a new world in order to start a life for his family that has been hugely successful. He has created a legacy for his children that can be the envy of anyone who values the future of their own children.

Ken shows up - for weddings, for important milestones, at death beds. He will be present and he will go through the journey with you. No matter how far away he is from his native home in South Africa he will always be there for the important moments - both joyful and painful - his gentle, stoic presence often a balm in the midst of chaos. 

Ken loves his wife. They are one of my most favourite couples who have weathered the storms of change, parenthood and illness together with a gentle resoluteness and an unfailing ability to be sensible yet positive. Being with Ken and Caryn is like getting a warm hug from a familiar place of safety. 

Ken is hugely successful - in business, in sport, in fishing - in all the things he is interested in he has a natural ability to excel. Call it a Midas touch but when Ken sees an opportunity he goes for it and nails it and as such has many varied successes to celebrate in his life. 

Right now, however, what I admire most in Ken (a quality also found in my greatest man of magnitude) is the way he is approaching this next event in his life. Last night I was reminded of how anguished Christ was as He faced His death. And Jesus, like Ken, knew it was coming. It must take all the courage in the world to prepare yourself for a known outcome. And Ken is facing this outcome with all the qualities of what I consider a man of magnitude to be made up of - he is putting his family first. He is considering his care and the responsibility attached to it and he is releasing his family of some of those difficulties. He is planning for the future so that he knows that the legacy with which he has nurtured his family will always surround them.  

And so Ken, my lovely, gentle uncle-in-law, who has always treated me with such affection and a sense of belonging, I want you to know that to me you are a man of magnitude. That the last memory I have of you is of a noble, strong man standing on the beach of Sea Park on the day we scattered Julia's ashes. I have no idea how you are feeling about anything right now but I do know that no matter your fears you are still putting the lives of others before yourself in the decisions you are making. I believe that the end of this journey for you is the beginning of another one and when I consider your next destination I definitely find myself back on that South Coast beach with you, in the sunshine, on the shiny black rocks, a rod in your hands, a smile on your face. Catch us a big one Ken.