Can I get a witness?

 The above picture is singlehandedly both the worst and the best picture ever taken of me. And because Dan Eager's try will go down as a truly iconic moment in Kearsney's history my double chins and psychotic eyes will now also be immortalized. The photo has gone viral and has given my family, friends and vague acquaintances great, great joy. 

But I love this picture for all its horror because it shows me for who I am. It is a raw statement of my spirit.  

Because I am a witness. Because I celebrate the victories of those I care about with wild abandon and overzealous joy. Because when the people I love win, I win. And because I always want to be on the sidelines cheering you on, in victory, or defeat. 

This intense need to see my people flourish is why I became a teacher. When I was considering the various options of study when doing my MA the choices were to go the fame route and develop myself as an actor, director and scriptwriter or to study applied theatre and use my skills to find the voice of the community and to use theatre as an agent for education and change. To be honest it was even a choice. Applied Theatre was a natural fit. 

Years later I am now a wife, a mom and a teacher and those in my circle will know how fiercely I want them to prosper, to grow, to belong, to feel joy, to have hope. This is what I have devoted my life to, it's my life calling. 

A few weeks ago we said goodbye to a precious family member who lost a very awful battle to cancer. Sharon has left behind two little girls who are going to have to navigate life without their very special mother, a mother who gave every last ounce of her will to be around for as long as she possibly could. Sharon's death has absolutely broken me. It took a while to understand why but it suddenly dawned on me recently - I have lost a fellow witness. 

Despite our many differences Sharon and I are both fierce fieldside supporters. I have no doubt there's a picture of Sharon similar to this one. She was 100% everyone's cheerleader. Relentlessly and wholeheartedly. 

And when Sharon realised that her time was going to come to end sooner than she wanted it to she started to prepare for a world without her. She has created memory banks of letters and photos and spirit for her girls so that her voice will be with them even when she no longer is. Her celebration of life service was full of her music and poetry and soul. And at the end when U2's 'With or Without You' punctuated the end of the service I was was absolutely finished, because I would have probably chosen a similar song. Many of us have been listening to the playlist Sharon made for everyone to listen to once she had passed. She is in every song and I know that her girls will find moments if her voice in every melody. Sharon prepared for death the way she lived her life - she was deeply intentional about people knowing how much they were loved, how much she believed in them and how broken she was is having to leave them. 

There are too many woman my age fighting cancer at the moment. Too many mothers who just want to be cheering their kids from the sidelines of the field. Too many moms facing a shortened term of witness to their children's lifetimes. Too many women writing letters to their future children in case they don't get the next tomorrow. 

A few days ago I had a moment to revisit some old blog posts that I've written. It was quite a moment for me because I realise what a witness of me this blog is. I am so grateful that I have this repository of thought that will be a gift to my children forever. I have not had to face an uncertain future before writing this love letter to my children. A great deal of who I am is here, the good, the bad and the double chinned. 

And so I go back to that utterly heinous photo. The one that says it all. Let us all continue to bare witness to the moments in life that are supernatural and triumphant. We may not know what tomorrow holds but if we stay in the moments of joy for as long as we can then perhaps we will have the courage to face what comes next. And if we all cheer from the sidelines for every victory, big or small, then we carry the spirit of those who can no longer cheer from the sidelines, but who are cheering nevertheless.