Rooted

 

I've had a week of conversations with people who are teetering on the edge of anxiety, burnout and general restlessness. They've all expressed a similar thread to their anxiety - they are all feeling unsettled. For one its the anxiety of an upcoming overseas trip and all the pandemonium of planning, admin and preparation. For another its fatigue that comes with reestablishing herself after several stressful life events, career moves, and cross continent moves. For another its the start of a much hoped for new season that unfortunately is still feeling like the old season.

With this at the back of my mind I read the very sad news that South Africa's golden couple - Siya and Rachel - are getting divorced. Lets be honest, we're all a little heartbroken. We wanted their story to be the one that continued to break so many of the barriers that society is still struggling with today.

And then I had a brief reflection of how the past two years have played out for them and I suddenly wasn't surprised by the fact that their marriage has got to a point where enough is enough. 

Let me just mention one of the events that the Kolisis went through - a move to and from France with two small children and two big children. The two big ones remaining in SA the other two having to acclimatize to life in a foreign country. 

That would already be strike one for me.

Add an injury, a world cup, a foundation, constant public scrutiny, constant media engagement, packing, unpacking, packing again, unpacking again, finding schools for children, finding schools for children again, Racing 92, Sharks, Springboks, long distance marriage, long distance parenting.... the hopes and dreams of EVERY SINGLE South African.

Strike 2, 3, 4.

That's just too much. No one's system would cope. 

Now I obviously have no idea of the ins and out of their marriage but one doesn't need to to know that the strain of their lifestyle was not sustainable. I cant think that their normal family life would take precedence over the myriad of other things taking place in their lives. To be so much for so many is just impossible. Only Jesus could do that - and even He needed to take regular breaks from humanity to ground himself and recover.

I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that a sense of solid routine, repetition and familiarity are actually what I feel all human's need in order to thrive. Ask anyone coaching you through the first few months with a new born - babies need a routine, so do their mothers. Preschool teachers will tell you the same - routine bedtimes, meals, discipline - all very important. For high schoolers a schedule for their day, homework time, exam timetables, exercise, regular and plentiful meals - all key. 

So why don't we adults take this into account when our frontal lobes have finally finished doing their thing? Why do we suddenly feel that we are super human? Why do we think that we can move houses, jobs, countries, relationships and that these major changes wont affect our functionality? Why do we think that irregular sleep patterns, working 12 hour days and living off adrenaline are effective ways of experiencing life. Why do we think the salary we make equates to how peacefully we will sleep at night?  

You cant save the world if you cant save yourself from yourself. 

My family and I recently went on a once in a lifetime holiday. It was incredible. Three five star lodges in six days. We had experiences we will never forget and I put on a solid 5 kgs from relentless gorging. It was altogether marvelous.

But, so was coming home. So was the scrambled egg we ate on Sunday night. So was sleeping in my own bed. And so was getting back to regular tick of our home life. 

Nothing grounds a human more than a solid sense of home - whether you're a breastfeeding infant or a 80 year old  who can only leave his home for a maximum of 24 hours before getting homesick.

Maybe in the middle years between childhood and old age we somehow manage to convince ourselves that our primary needs are no longer about groundedness but are more about flight. We need to consider the bookends of life - the young and the old - to realise that the best flights are the ones when you have a nest to return to. We all function better when there's a sturdy tree to anchor us.  

So I'm hoping for all the people I love who are feeling unsettled in the swirling uncertainty of where they are going to place their hours, and with whom, that they can make in themselves a timetable for living. That within the chaos they can hear the clear tick of their inner clock telling them when its time to go home. So that restless spirits can settle within the rootedness of routine. That we continue building nests that we want to return to.