Mommy

Today Eva and I set off to fulfill Gray's request for a Squishamellow for his birthday. Eva's outfit was made up of various layers of clothing, all with varying prints, colours and patterns. She looked like a rainbow's vomit. I love her sense of style. 

We ran in to various friends on our quest. I've given them nom de plumes...

1. The first friend we bumped into was Claire. She was shopping with her little girl who is the same age as Eva. Her girl was wearing bright new white shoes and looked very pleased with herself. Claire rolled her eyes and explained that her daughter 'accidentally' left her shoes at home and so had to get a new pair for her morning of shopping. I then asked after Claire's mom who is very ill and who is in organ failure. It's been a really difficult journey for Claire as she has faced several family tragedies during this time making it one obstacle after another. She explained that her mom is now starting to lose the plot and is talking about all sorts of random things. When one has been with someone who is about to move on one knows that this happens because the soul is straddling two worlds and realities which I'm sure can be very confusing. 

2. The next person we bumped into was David my colleague and former neighbour. Eva is one of his favourite people and so after a cuddle with her he explained how he is shopping by himself because his 20 year old daughter insists on shopping with her mom by herself. If he tries to join them she sulks because shopping is her special mom daughter time. 

3. After selecting our Squishamellow we were at the Toys R Us checkout when my next friend, Sarah, and her daughter came bustling into the shop. They were on a mission to buy a cousin a gift. Sarah recently lost her dad, a beloved character who, after losing his precious wife, had various health obstacles to face. I asked how Sarah was coping and she said in a way there is a sense of relief, a lifting, because the burden of caring for her dad has now freed her to breathe and start living again with more focus on her own little family. Having known both her parents well I know that they too celebrate the fact that they are reunited with each other and that their daughter can continue to live her life knowing how loved she is by both of them. 

4. Eva and I then made a final stop at the R12 shop to buy some baked goods for our guys at home. As I was settling Eva on a stool with her croissant another former work colleague, Terry, greeted me. I went to give her a hug and as I approached her she said, 'My mommy passed away on Tuesday'. My colleague is in her 50s and her mother was 90. But she is still her mommy. That use of the word 'mommy' has really floored me. No matter how old you are your mommy is still your mommy. She explained how she slept in her mom's bed with her for her final two nights. She described the angels in the room. They were dancing and her mom's hands were dancing with them. 

As Eva and I made our way out of the shopping centre, her little hand in mine, I thought about my own mom. I also thought about the privilege of being a mom. I thought about how life must take on a very different hue when the person who brought you into the world is no longer a part of it. I also remembered the only two words that Stephen's gran muttered when she was dying - mommy and baby. 

It's the moms who buy us the shiny shoes, who we chose to shop with, who we nurse, whose bed is the safest and I believe it's the moms who come to fetch us when it's our time to go home.