Bareback Dragon Riders

So I'm now Ma Wa Gray and Eva.
I have a daughter.
A raven haired beauty weighing in at 4kgs.
And I managed to push her out.
I am shattered.
Literally.
Shattered.

The thing about having a daughter is that, for me at least, I have a very deep sense of knowing with her. She is familiar. She's like that person I've always known but never met face to face. She is a part of me that now happens to be in another body.

When we give birth to daughters there is generally a slight note of panic in people's responses to the news. The old 'dad needs to take out his shotgun' fart nugget comes to mind. And dads often go into overwind because they understand how vulnerable their daughters are. After all - 'men believe in premarital sex before daughters are born'. Very few people's responses to the news of the birth of a boy are ones of immediate vulnerability and protection. Are males not vulnerable too?

So I'm not going to go into a whole gender debate here. It's old. What I do, however, want to do is tell you about the kind a woman I plan on raising. And one day Eva may find this old thing and know that this was my intention and my prayer and my dream for her...

So let's start at the beginning. Childbirth. Half of the world is capable of this. We all came into the world as a result of this. And it is friggen hectic.

And if you push a baby out I believe you should get a few extra Brownie points because the aftermath is no joke.

So there you are ripped in a place that should not be ripped, leaking your life essences from all the parts of you that used to be sexy and you now have to keep a tiny human alive with boobs that suddenly feel like an amateur acupuncturist is experimenting on them. This time round I know that the damage down under has been fairly dramatic because I got a lot of sympathy from all the nursing staff and my no nonsense gyne gave me a hug in the pharmacy. When people have asked me how I am I compare the experience of giving birth to a 4kg baby with a massive head to riding a dragon bareback. I can't think of another more apt metaphor. And my lovely Eva is a whole week old today and I can still barely walk.

And guess what? I'll recover. Fully. Woman do. I find that absolutely remarkable.

What I find even more remarkable is that most women do this without a lovely first world hospital and pain medication and professional episiotomies.

And they generally heal and have more babies. (At this point I would like to say that if this had happened first time round Gray might have been an only child).

The first thing that I want Eva to know about being a woman is that we recover. That we are able to function at a million different levels and rock at them all. That while we sob in the pulsing agony of a torn up body we still know that the nourishment of our tiny bleating new borns comes first.

And they will come first for the rest of our lives.

Women never abandon their children. And when they do its a travesty. When men do its unsurprising.

In my week of dragon riding a very special old school friend contacted me to ask me if I had meals. We have been blessed by the moms in Gray's class who put money together to stock our fridge with frozen meals. So I said we had about five ready to go meals as well as the meals my precious mom has been cooking and surreptitiously putting into our freezer. My friend then decided she too was going to contribute to the nourishment of my family. And so everyday this week a home-cooked meal has been delivered by a lady from the church that my friend and I go to.

And the most amazing thing - I don't even know most of these ladies. They are complete strangers. And they have lovingly prepared delicious meals for us and delivered them to our home in a week where I can literally not get out of bed unassisted.

Eva you need to know that the network is strong. In being vulnerable you allow others to show Christlike compassion. In being weak you allow others to stand up in the battle for you. As women we are never weak if we stand in protection while one of us is down.

And this should be a philosophy we should all follow - and has certainly been my most humbling experience in this entire birthing experience - human beings are made for empathy and community. If we open ourselves up to these things they will change us fundamentally forever.

And then there are the friends from all over the world who know me well enough to know that they can keep updated on my progress via Stephen because they know how shattered I am. And there are friends who arrive with a meal and then an infrared light and herbal anti-anxiety meds and who take up my baby and love her while I languish in bed. And who then pop in every day to check on me. And who I can tell everything to because they've had the exact same experience. And we can laugh until I have to stop because I'm scared I'll burst another stitch - yes that also happened this week.

Eva I want you to be that friend and I want you to accept those friendships. Fair weather friends are fun but ones that you can discuss hemorrhoids with are the best.

Lastly, my precious girl, I want to promise you that I will endeavor to be the mother to you that my mother has been to me.

We learn to become mothers by the example set for us by our own mothers. And my precious lamb your grandmother stands amongst the giants.

This past month your grandmother has sacrificed so much of herself in order to pack up and move our entire house, unpack our entire house, keep us fed with three meals a day, care for your brother, be present at every visiting hour, select her strongest prayer warriors to pray for me, nurse me, medicate me, cry with me, soothe me and shine a red light at my undercarriage. And I know that if at any moment I need her she will pack her bags and be with me no matter what is going on in her life - be it droughts or floods.

And she is doing this for me because her mother did it for her. And this shall be the inheritance I will pass on to you. My bags will always be packed.

And so precious Eva you will not be raised a victim. Your gender is not a shame. Every part of you that makes you a woman will be celebrated and developed. I pray you will discover intuition and empathy and kindness and friendship.

And I will raise you to be a warrior. A bareback dragon riding warrior.