Dear Sarah and John

 

I just wanted you to know that you are winning at what is most important. You are putting most of us to shame, in fact. You are doing what most of us feel nauseatingly guilty for not doing. You are being present with and for your children because you know, more than anyone else, how important being present with your children is.

Yesterday I played Barbies with Eva. After a holiday that included trips to game reserves, farms and the beach I finally actually did what my daughter has been craving for three weeks. I sat on the uncomfortable floor of her bedroom and played Barbies and unicorns. I will be honest, I was bored after the first ten minutes, but I pushed through for about half an hour. And then I went to cook supper.

After this I did some statistical analysis to work out how much time in my children's lives I actually do the things that will fill their love tanks up and make them feel valued and I suddenly didn't feel worthy of my children. 

And then I thought of the literal years that you have spent in a hospital room with your Harry and the determined commitment you have made to ensure that Vida is as loved and cherished through all this and I just wept. 

I will never ever be able to comprehend what sacrifices have been made, what agony has been endured, what ongoing grief you have faced but I want to tell you this - your children know that they are loved. Your children will never doubt the utter devotion and love with which you have faced this ongoing battle for Harry.

My deepest prayer for you two is that you will return home and Harry will go for drives on the farm with his dad, he will play with his sister, he will relish his mom's food. That he will find wonder in creation and that every cell in his body will be renewed by his return home. 

None of us know how long we have with our children for but this I do know - Harry and Vida will always know the deepest and purest love because their parents treasured every moment with them. There are very few of us who can make that claim about ourselves as children and as parents. 

I pray for a lifetime of smiles for Harry, I pray for laughter and tenderness and healing and peace. I pray that you will find rest and moments of respite. I pray for continued hope. And thank you for being a reminder for so many of us that the most important moments in life are the ones playing Barbie on the bedroom floor.

May God bless and keep your family always,

Emily