Diary of a Flyfisherman's Wife Lent Day 6

Step 1: Allow the gentle notes of the soundtrack to 'A River Runs Through It' to play in your head in order  to drown out the jarring noise of your 4x4 going where no vehicle has gone before.

Step 2: Find yourselves on the edge of the precipice no where near a river.

Step 3: Check hand drawn map sent to you via Whats App. Try several times to align the screen to being able to actually decipher the trail you were supposed to take. 

Step 4: Discover that you accidentally veered off on a hiking trail and not the promised 4x4 trail. Congratulate husband on turning a track into a road.

Step 5: Retrace steps. This will take some time because the way back up a hiking trail in a large Pajero is not as easy as the way down was.

Step 6: Find the right road. Take it.

Step 7: Weave your way gently down a very sedate '4x4' track. A Sunday drive really compared to where you've just been. 

Step 8: Arrive at the side of a rapidly running river. 

Step 9: Allow husband to do all the footwork when it comes to getting two rods ready for fishing. When he asks if you want a nymph or a dry fly simply nod.

Step 10: Dress in clothes you would never be caught dead in and which you keep in your cupboard purely for these moments - your husband has already vowed to God that he will love you no matter what. The outfit is the test of that vow.

Step 11: Emerge from the arse end of a bush looking suitably butch. Avoid eye contact with husband.

Step 12: Sunblock what little flesh is exposed.

Step 13: Due to the time it took to leave children with parents, get provisions, get lost, retrace steps it is now midday and toasty.  Chances of a bite are slim.

Step 14: Walk resolutely to the edge of the river bank despite the less than favorable conditions.

Step 15: Cast.

Step 16: Discover that your cast has ended up being a crumpled mass of line at your feet. It didn't even hit the water. 

Step 17: Try again.

Step 18: Some success but now you have cast into a gentle breeze which has resulted in your line now being a crumpled mass of line in the water below you. 

Step 19: Think - 'What would Brad Pitt do in 'A River Runs Through It?'' 

Step 20: Think about Brad Pitt.

Step 21: Think about how underrated 'Meet Joe Black' was as a film.

Step 22: Think about how Brad was type cast as the golden-smiled bad boy in both 'Legends of the Fall' and 'A River Runs Through It.'

Step 23: List the number of farm boys you grew up with who modelled  themselves on this character.

Step 24: List the number of boys you grew up with who could pull off that kind of bad boy behavior and get away with it because they looked like Brad. Zero.

Step 25: Notice that in your reverie you have allowed your line to float downstream and get tangled in some bush on the side of the river. 

Step 26: Curse.

Step 27: Discover that you have to wade into the water to free your line because the hook has got snagged on a piece of grass. 

Step 28: Feel the disconcerting sensation as the sole of your Salomon shoe breaks free from the rest of the shoe. Like an old dog wagging its tongue in the breeze notice the sole of your shoe edging itself free of your foot while you pierce your finger on the hook while trying to free it from the grass. 

Step 29: Curse.

Step 30: Watch your husband who has moved a little downstream to a far more appropriate fishing spot. Consider joining him but decide that it looks too snakey. Stay put.

Step 31: Cast again into the swirling mass of fishless rapids. This time it goes where you want it to. 

Step 32: No bites.

Step 33: Think about lunch.

Step 34: Decide to try a new spot.

Step 35: Slip on rocks getting to new spot as a result of faulty shoe.

Step 36: Slap horsefly.

Step 37: Hope it was a horse fly.

Step 38: Cast. 

Step 39: Hook fly on bush behind you. Pull several times but to no avail. Slide over rocks to reach bush.

Step 40: Spend several millennia trying to locate fly.

Step 41: Wonder if Brad Pitt had these kinds of challenges in Montana. 

Step 42: Think about Brad Pitt.

Step 43: Think about lunch.

Step 44: Cast.

Step 45: Grow bored.

Step 46: Amble back to original fishing spot.

Step 47: Strip off and skinny dip.

Step 48: Dry off in the sun.

Step 49: Remember the sun burnt couple in 'A River Runs Through It'.

Step 50: Dress. Wait for husband.

Step 51: Fight the hunger pangs. Surely it is almost lunch time?

Step 52: Husband arrives, lost in tactical thought. 

Step 53: Enquire after the time.

Step 54: It has been 15 minutes. 

Step 55: Curse.

Step 56: Think about Brad Pitt.