Swipe Right Lent Day 3

A few days ago I managed to tick something off my bucket list. I went onto Tinder. 

It’s not as suspicious as it sounds though. A good friend has plucked up the courage to put herself out there and so she and another (morally solid) friend and I got ourselves some gin and judged people by their profile pictures. Another very excellent filter when judging a person on Tinder is their use of grammar and punctuation. And whether they describe themselves as ‘paleosexual’. Yes guys. That’s an actual word. We had to Google it. It basically means you’re attracted to clever people. Quite frankly I’ve always enjoyed a doff person who can’t spell the word ‘mountain’. 

Let me tell you it’s a quagmire out there. And the range of profile pictures - from unflattering profile shots of many chins to sun tanned strips of old biltong standing next to Lamborghinis (which probably aren’t theirs)- pickings were pretty slim. 

And then there are the little paragraphs some people use to describe themselves. As a writer it is this got me a little panicked. How on earth would I describe myself using minimal words but still manage to communicate some sense of my essence? It would appear that many people love dogs, beaches, mountains and ‘a smooth red wine’. But that just basically describes a kiff holiday. What about who you are? Or does that come later once you’ve swiped right?

Flip I don’t know. It’s all a little overwhelming and I feel deep sympathy for people who are having to put themselves out there in order to be judged by the very limited space available to tell your story. I hope that someone finds you soon. 

And this brings me to the real purpose of this post. It’s Stephen’s birthday today. Now I don’t know how many people are going to regularly read this marathon of a blog for the next 40 days so if anything it is going to serve as a place to chronicle my life as it stands in order for my children to read it one day. So this blog about Tinder is actually my birthday card for Stephen (because after wrapping his presents late last night I did not have the energy to actually put pen to paper). 

Stephen (and all the happily married couples out there) thank God we don’t have to navigate a story of love through dating apps and socially distanced dates. Thank God our story is longer than a short paragraph on dogs and the beach. Thank God we don’t have to sift through endless faces looking for people who are paleosexual. Thank God we don’t have to actually ever use the word paleosexual. 

Happy birthday my favourite person. With you I will always swipe right.