Brother Let Me Be Your Servant Day 34

Some days you just wake up and immediately start crying. Today’s was that day for me. The loss of Neil has hit us hard. I suppose part of what makes it hard is that it wasn’t a surprise. We have known for the last month that he was battling. And we’ve known for 32 years that every day of his life was a gift. 

And so I have moved straight from the usual shock that comes with unexpected deaths and I have gone straight into appreciating who Neil is and how much he has been loved and supported by those around him. Because there is an element of distance with my immediate connection to him I am able to reflect on and pray for all of those who have to face their day to day lives without him. 

And I think that this is a special kind of grieving one can do for people. Many cultures have professional grievers and I get it. I think that we can carry people by using our empathy to draw alongside them. We will never fully be able to understand someone else’s grief, even if we’re grieving the same person. But for those in the deepest darkness of grief we can cry when their tears have run dry and we can try and help them make sense of some of the odd thoughts that pop up during the process of loss. We can choose to have the same conversation with them over and over again until things start to make sense. We can choose to be - as the hymn suggests - each other’s servants. 

Because that’s what it means to be part of the body of Christ. We carry each other, we weep for each other, we celebrate each other. 

Last night I dreamt about Neil all night. And the final dream was of me tucking him up in the cosiest bed and he fell into the most beautiful deep sleep. And then I woke up and wept. I know where Neil is and it is sublime. But all his people faced their first day without him today and in that there is so much uncertainty. And it is on them that I pour my energy and love. Because I know that one day they will do the same for me  

Brother let me be your servant, Let me be as Christ to you, Pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant too.