Not The End Lent Day 40

Yesterday I sat beneath a cathedral of green trees next to the chocolate Tugela river and I said goodbye to my childhood friend Neil. For those who know Neil or who have been following my blog you will know that Neil had cystic fibrosis. 

Today I sit in my chapel of a bed while my children eat Wheetbix and I bid farewell to my Lent commitment of blogging every day for 40 days. 

Something happens when you know that you have a deadline to find meaning and beauty in the every day things. 

You actually start finding them. 

Yesterday I listened as countless people spoke about a boy who, living with a death sentence, lived and loved with more intention than most of us sitting at his memorial. He made every relationship count. He made sure people knew that they were loved. And the last thing he told his two best friends on his death bed was ‘Don’t stop believing.’

In these past 40 days I have lost three friends. My blog has allowed me to honour and grieve them meaningfully. I have faced mundane days and big days. I have allowed myself to have the challenging conversations with myself that I would have normally pushed back to my subconscious.  I have been able to articulate my deepest beliefs about my faith and my relationship with God and sometimes what I have said has struck a cord with someone else who hadn’t thought of saying things that way. I have looked at my life like a storyteller does and from the jumble of seemingly disconnected cords I have spun my stories. 

This has in no way been a deprivation for me. Sacrificing something in order to pull closer to God never is. It has reaffirmed my knowledge that God has given me a narrative and I must tell it. In silencing other distractions I have been able to hear that still small voice and it has been my greatest comfort. 

In writing this blog other amazing opportunities have opened up for me. I have written and composed a song with a world class musician (the song is aptly named ‘40 Days’) and this has led to discussions about possible song writing collaborations in the future. This would literally be a dream come true for me as the marriage of music and writing encapsulates my spirit best.

As is customary I must say my thank yous. Thank you to my best friend, Stephen, for encouraging me and sharing many of my blogs. Thank you to my children for being patient when I had ‘one more paragraph to write’. Thank you to all of you who religiously read every single blog - and not just the ones that Stephen shared. And lastly thank you to all of you who have journeyed with me, given me feedback and provided encouragement. 

And lastly thank you to the man whose shadow I have walked in for the past 40 days. From the shadows of jubilant palm fronds, to the menacing shadows of an olive grove in Gethsemane, to the hardened shadow of a cross tomorrow, to the shadows of an empty tomb on Sunday I have and will follow you. I have learnt to find You in all things and in finding You in all things they have become significant and worthy of record. Thank you for placing a story in my heart every day. And, just as Neil made his friends promise before he left to come home to You, I make the same promise - I won’t stop believing.