Baby Weight. Lent Day 13

I have touched on my current weight loss mission in one or two of my blogs. I am 7kgs down and have 3 to go. Today I had an appointment with my beautiful nutritionist, Luke, who suggested that after I’ve reached this goal I should look at losing a further 10. I nearly broke up with him but he’s too kiff and he fist pumps me so I’ve decided to keep him. 

I have spoken to five other friends this week who were also all pregnant in the last two years and we all seem to be on a similar plan of action. And most of them have lost a similar amount of weight to me. 

I think we can all agree that the female body is truly miraculous and I still can’t believe the thing capable of producing indigestion is the same thing that can effortlessly grow a human being. What is less miraculous, however, is how freaking difficult it can be to get rid of the ‘eating for two’ fat that gets left behind after we have birthed stunning loin fruit from our nethers. 

I have recently been reading bits and pieces from Brene Brown’s book ‘The Gifts of Imperfection’ where she talks about shame. In it she talks about the shame we are prepared to let people put onto us, the shame we’re willing to accept because we don’t actually recognise it as shame. There is nothing worse than accepting what seems to be a comment made in jest, or ‘feedback’ or ‘constructive criticism’ only to realise, afterwards, that what has been said to you has made you feel ashamed of yourself and is truly unwarranted. 

When I was eight months pregnant I went to a function attended by at least 100 people. It was a Christmas function and every year things get a little out of hand at said function and fines are given and people get very drunk. At this function a person who I am very fond of got the fines master to single me out in front of everyone and he was then told to make the comment, ‘Has anyone noticed that Emily is pregnant?’

Now I was massive in this pregnancy. Eva weighed over 4kgs at birth and she was just a perfect, big baby and up to that moment I had felt like a perfect, big mom. 

I graciously did a little wave and had a little laugh as scores of people looked at me and my pregnant tummy and the event continued. 

But the more I have reflected on it the more I am not ok with it. I am afraid I have to bring the battle of the sexes into this but I do have to ask how a man (the one who suggested said fine) and the fine master are possibly allowed to make me feel embarrassed for being pregnant? How is it ok to laugh at the breathtakingly beautiful form of a woman carrying a baby (at eight months in the middle of intense summer heat)? And I am not just talking about myself here. For me all pregnant women are goddesses, they always have been. 

And yet I was made to feel ashamed of myself. I immediately asked the friend next to me - had I gone on about my pregnancy too much? Have I complained to much? Why have I been singled out? 

How shameful - I immediately turned on myself. I criticized and judged myself. I tried with all my might to find a reason as to why people would want to do this to me. I tried to find an excuse for them. I didn’t protect myself. I betrayed myself. 

Now I am a very confident person. I know what I’m good at and I know what I’m bad at. I take valid criticism very well and I do try to work on the things that need work. But something happens to me when someone criticises me unfairly. 

I let them. And I agree with them. Because I don’t do confrontation. 

And so today this is me saying what was done to me was not ok. I was made to feel ashamed of myself and what is unthinkable is that I was made ashamed of my beautiful pregnant form. What is worse is that I was made to be ashamed of the stunning woman I was carrying within me. 

So to all the women out there looking at your body in the mirror wondering what on earth happened do me a favour and look at the children standing behind you, or in front of you, or inside you. 

Do not shame yourselves. We deal with that enough when we open our wardrobes, fridges, phones, front doors. 

Lose the weight because you want to. Don’t lose it if you don’t want to. Whatever you do, however, do not allow your voice to join in with those around you that seeks to shame you. And the same goes for any other areas of your life that seek to rob you of your confidence and joy. You owe it to yourself because you are the centre of not only your world but the worlds of the small people around you. Shame should not be in their inheritance. And I know for a fact that it is not in your Heavenly inheritance either. 

For you are fearfully and wonderfully made. And when people shame the creation they shame the Creator.